Quatre In Wonderland
by Ende
Summary: An Alice in Wonderland parody. AND, it won the Gundam Wing Reader's Choice Award for a Yaoi Satire! ^__^ Yay! I also added in an epilogue, by the way.
1. Chapter One: The Mysterious White Rabbit

_Quatre In Wonderland  
Chapter One: The Mysterious White Rabbit  
  
Warnings: tiny bits of yuri and yaoi, more shonen ai than yaoi, OOC for Trowa, het flirting, a little sterotypical possibly *used for humor reasons*, nothing lemony or limey,   
Rating: PG-13, currently  
Pairings: 3x4, 2x1, Rx1(King and Queen relationship), 6x13, C+4, R+D, S+5  
Note: Yeah...so, I could've made someone like Relena 'Alice', but I didn't feel like writting a Relena-based fic at the moment. Anyway, Quatre's not supposed to be a girl or anything, or have some girly-persona. Hope you like it. Feedback is, of course, highly welcome, and criticism is good too. Just try not to shatter my poor little writing-aura too much. Thanks!_  
  
  
Alice....er, I mean, Quatre Raberba Winner sat in the middle of a field of daises, surrounded by twenty-nine, book-reading older sisters. His cute kitten, Dinah, was sitting in his lap, trying to destroy a nearby daisy with her little paws.  
  
"Is it tea-time yet?" One of the many sisters asked the oldest, Iria.   
  
Iria glanced down at her watch. "No, dear, we still have another hour."  
  
The other girl smiled, and went back to reading her book with no pictures.   
  
Quatre sighed, and patted Dinah's head. "I'm bored."  
  
"Why not read a book, dear?" Iria suggested, not even looking up from her book.  
  
Quatre rolled his eyes. "That's all you guys ever do."  
  
Iria looked up from the thick novel she held in her hands. "Go up to the mansion and get a book!"  
  
"Eep! Fine. I'll be back in a few minutes."  
  
So...our journey begins as Quatre picked up Dinah, and walked up the large, white mansion that beheld a large variety of books.  
  
"Why can't they ever actually do something interesting, eh, Dinah?"  
  
Dinah, being a cat, really paid no attention to him, but to the thing on the ground that looked vaguely like a white rabbit. So, Dinah jumped from Quatre's arms, and ran towards the white rabbit.  
  
"Get off me, you stupid cat!!" the rabbit cried. "Can't you tell how freakin' late I am? Do you hear me? LATE!!! The queen'll have my head!"  
  
By now, Quatre was crouched down next to Dinah and the rabbit.  
  
"Oh my!" Quatre gasped, looking more closely at what was on the ground in front of him. "you certainly are a peculiar white rabbit."  
  
"I am not a rabbit! Do I look like a freakin' rabbit?!"  
  
Quatre's eyes just kept on growing wider as he realized that the rabbit was nothing but a small person.  
  
"Look! You made me even more late! I still haven't found that stupid rabbit and that annoying little girl with the cat in the field of daises! And! I'm already late!!"  
  
"Um...no little girls live around here. All of sisters are teenagers."  
  
"No little girls you say? Well, that's interesting. Damn Duo! I bet he was trying to confuse me again. Well, I'll show him. C'mon....um, what's your name?"  
  
" My name is Quatre, and that's Dinah."  
  
"Quatre? Doesn't even sound like Alice. Anyway, c'mon, we have to go dwon this rabbit hole over here. C'mon, let's go. Can't take all day."  
  
Quatre follwoed the little man, and stopped at the rabbit hole. "What's your name?"  
  
"Is that really inmportant? *grumbles* Trowa, okay? Now let's go, we're late!"  
  
And with that, the three all jumped into the rabbit hole.  
  
"Wow! This is amazing!" Quatre said, looking at all the empty maramlade jars and rocking chairs.   
  
Trowa rasied an eyebrow. "Yeah, I guess so. If you like to whole bizarre falling thing."  
  
After what seemed like forever, the three were in a very large, empty room with a table, a bottle, and a key.   
  
"See that key up there?" Trowa asked, pointing up to the gold key on the clear table.   
Quatre nodded.  
  
"Pick it up, and hand it to me. you don't realize how stupid some people are."  
  
Quatre was confused, but handed the key to Trowa anyway, who nearly dropped it.  
"Okay, now, drink all of what's in that bottle."  
  
Blinking a little bit out of confusin, the blonde obeyed, and drank the bottle politely labeled "DRINK ME".   
  
What happened next was truly amazing. Quatre felt himself become smaller...and smaller...and smaller, until he was the around the same height as Trowa.   
  
When Quatre was a bit shorter than the other, he looked into the emerald eyes.  
  
"Wow...."Quatre trailed off.  
  
Trowa snorted a little bit, but smiled at the blonde's cuteness. "Let's go! We have to go see Queen Relena!"  
  
*****  
  
I know...Trowa's terribly OOC...I'm sorry for that. TBC!!!!  
  
  



	2. Chapter Two: Trieze Khusrendera and Mill...

_Quatre In Wonderland  
Chapter Two: Trieze Khusrendrea and Millardo AKA The Walrus and the Carpenter  
  
This chapter is very, very tiny. I had to add it in, beacsue the story just wouldn't have been the same without it. I was thinking about putting in athing withTweedledee and Tweedledum, but decided agaisnt it. There wasn't any characters left anyway....  
Pairings: 6x13  
Warnings: implied yaoi  
Discalimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, nor "The Walrus and the Carpenter" by Lewis Carroll _  
  
The sun was shining on the sea,  
Shining with all it's might;  
It did it's very best to make  
The billows smooth and bright;  
And this was very odd, becasue it was  
the middle of the night.  
  
Trieze Khundesra and Millardo  
Were walking hand-in-hand;  
They wept like anything to see  
Such quanities of sand:  
"If this were only cleared away,"  
They said, "it would be grand!"  
  
"If seven maids with seven mops  
Swept it for half a year,  
Do you suppose," Milliardo said,   
"That it would all be clear?"  
"I doubt it," said Trieze, the carpenter,  
And shed a bitter tear.  
  
"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"  
Millardo did beseech.  
"A pleasent walk, a pleasent talk,  
Along the briny beach:  
We can not do with more than four,  
To give a hand in each."  
  
The Mama oyster looked at him,  
But never a word she said:  
The Mama oyster winked her eye,  
And shook her heavy head.  
This was meaing to say,   
She did not choose, to leave the Oyster-bed.  
  
But four young Oysters hurried up,   
All eager for a treat:  
Their shells were brushed, their pearls washed,   
And even their shoes were clean and neat--  
And this odd, because, you know,   
They hadn't any feet.  
  
Four other Oysters followed them,  
And yet another four;  
And thick and fast they came at last,  
And more,and more, and more--  
All hopping through the frothy waves,  
And scrambling to the shore.  
  
Trieze Khundera and Millardo  
Walked on a mile or so,  
and then they rested on a rock  
conveniently low:  
And all the little(stupid)Oysters stood  
And waited in a row.  
  
"The time has come," Millardo said,   
"To talk of many things:  
Of shoes-and ships-and sealing wax--  
Of cabbages and kings--  
And why the sea is boiling hot--  
And whether pigs have wings."  
  
"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,  
"Before we have our chat:  
For some of us are out of breath,  
And all of us are fat!"  
"No hurry!" said Trieze, the carpenter.  
They thanked him much for that.  
  
"A loaf of bread," Millardo said,  
"Is clearly what we need:  
Pepper and vinegar as well  
Are very good indeed:  
Now if your ready, Oysters dear,   
We can began to feed."  
  
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,  
Turning a little blue.  
'After such kindess that would be,   
A dismal thing to do!"  
"The night is fine," Millardo said,  
"Do you like the view?"  
  
Author Note- Now...it's not hard to know what happens next. Trieze runs around trying to find a few loaves of bread, and he builds a shed. When he is done with this he comes back to a very distubing sight...  
.  
"O Oysters," said Trieze, the carpenter,  
"You've had a pleasant run!  
Shall we be trotting home again?"  
But answer came there none--  
And this was scrcely odd, because  
They'd been eaten, ever one.  
  
Trieze was horrifed that the man he had been walking the sandy beaches with could do such a horrible thing to a group of oysters. He had murdered then, even! Trieze picked up one of the shells, and felt a tear go down his cheek. He had run Zechs off, after he found out what he did. Now he wasn't even sure when the other man was going to come back.   
  
"Oh, Zechs, why have you put us both in such a position! The oysters...!! But, I wish you would come back...."  
  
The door to the "house" Trieze had built earlier slowly creaked open.   
  
"Trieze?" a male voice asked quietly.  
  
Trieze, oyster-shell still in hand, spun around to see the man he had screamed at not an hour before.  
  
"Zechs!! I thought that you would never come home!!" Trieze said happily, moving closer to the blonde.  
  
"I would never be from your side for long, Trieze."  
  
Trieze smiled broadly, and finally realized he was still holding the oyster-shell. "I'm sorry I was so mad at you, Zechs. Will you please forgive me?"  
  
Zechs looked thoughtful for a moment, but nodded his head after a brief moment. "Of course I will."  
  
Trieze set the oyster-shell down next to the others. "Good; but first, you have to aplogize to Mama Oyster." (2)  
  
(2) This scares me too...  
Please Review!!!  



	3. Chapter Three: Eating Cookies

_Quatre In Wonderland  
Chapter Three: Eating Cookies  
  
  
Warnings: mild language, still OOC for Trowa, rated PG-13  
I own neither GW or Alice in Wonderland_  
  
  
Trowa led Quatre through the strange land, where nothing seemed to be normal at all. What Quatre saw next was quite odd; however, he seemed to expect things of the sort.  
Quatre blinked-blinked as he saw little smoke-rings floating through the air in front of him. An 'O' floated by. Then an 'N', and another. And then an 'A.' Quatre was lost in thought as to where the smoke-letters were coming from when he heard Trowa snort.  
  
"What is it, Trowa?"  
  
"Oh, Wufei's at it again. Smoking that freakin' pipe."  
  
Quatre was more confused than ever. "What're you talking about, Trowa? Who's Wufei?"  
  
Trowa glanced at the other boy. "I'm not sure if you want to find out."  
  
Quatre's eyes widened, but he still followed Trowa towards the direction that the smoke rings were coming.   
  
When they got to their destination, Quatre blink-blinked at the sight before him.  
  
On a very large mushroom sat an Asian boy smoking a thin pipe.   
  
"Must you continue to be a woman-hater, Wufei?" Trowa asked, sitting down on the edge of the mushroom. "It's really starting to get old."  
  
"I'm not a woman-hater!" Wufei protested, as the last "A" in "ONNA" faded away. Wufei glared. "Okay...so maybe I am. What the hell does that have to do with anything."  
  
"Nothing really. Just wanted to piss you off. Anyway, enough about you. This is Quatre."  
  
Wufei rasied an eyebrow at the blonde-boy that stood beside his mushroom. "What does he want?"  
  
"How am I suppoed to know what he wants? I was ordered to bring him back to Wonderland from Queen Relena."  
  
Wufei snorted. "Some queen."  
  
"I wouldn't say that too much, Wufei. She might just force you into her harem of helpless sex slaves."  
  
Wufei's face held a mortified look, and he kept his mouth shut.  
  
Trowa just grinned.  
  
"Why're you on a giant mushroom?"Quatre asked meekly.  
  
"Well...it's not really giant. It's just that we're shorter."Trowa provided.  
  
"Oh. How do get to be the same height we were before, Trowa?"  
  
"You ask to many questions," Wufei mumbled.  
  
Trowa glared in Wufei's direction. "If you don't shut up, I'll have to sic Queen Relena on you!"  
  
Wufei said nothing else.  
  
"To answer your question, Quatre, there are many ways to do so. You'll probably just eat a cookie."  
  
Quatre blinked.  
  
"A....cookie?"  
  
"Yes. A cookie."  
  
Quatre blinked again.   
  
"What's a cookie gonna do?!"  
  
Trowa blinked a little. "Make you the same size you were before...."  
  
"Next you're gonna be telling me I have to drink tea!"  
  
"Well...no, not really."  
  
Quatre just put on an annoyed face, and shut up. He knew that if he kept on talking, then he would just get even more confused.  
  
* * * **  
  
  



	4. Chapter Four: The Helpful Forest

_Quatre In Wonderland  
Chapter 4: The Helpful Forest  
  
Warnings: shonen ai, mild language, rated PG-13  
Note: Yeah! Chapter 4 is up! I'm so happy! Anyway...this is Duo's entrance.   
Pairings: 2+1, 3+4+3   
Disclaimer: Yes...I own nothing that has to do with Alice in Wonderland or Gundam Wing. If I did, it would be a scary world....  
  
_  
  
Quatre bit his lip. He was most defiantly lost. After they had talked to Wufei, they had started to walk once more. Dinah had tried to attack Trowa again, but when Quatre went to look for both of them after they started to run, he couldn't find either. Now, he was in a forest with alot of signs. Very confusing signs.   
  
"This is crazy!" Quatre practically screamed.  
  
"No...actually, it's mad," a friendly sounding voice said from up above.   
  
Quatre looked up, and say a boy around his age sitting in a tree. The boy jumped down and held out his hand. Quatre took it.  
  
"The name's Duo. You're Quatre, right?"  
  
Quatre nodded. "How'd you know my name?"  
  
Duo chuckled a little. "I know everything that goes in Wonderland."  
  
"Wonderland?" the blonde asked, a little confused.  
  
Duo nodded, as he fiddled with his long, chestnut braid. "This is Wonderland," he explained motioning all around him with his arms.   
  
"Why's it called "Wonderland"?"  
  
"Not really sure. Lots of things have made you wonder here, though, haven't they?"  
"Well...yes, I guess so."  
  
Duo smiled, looking satisfied. "Okay, now that we have that cleared up, what can I do for you?"  
  
"Well...I think I'm lost."  
  
"I would think so. After all, this isn't the most helpful forest when it comes to wooden signs."  
  
Quatre glanced around at the signs. Yeah...it was defiantly not helpful. "So, can you help me?"  
  
"That depends. I will, if you can help me with something."  
  
Quatre rose an eyebrow at Duo's request. "Like what?"  
  
"Well, you're going to end up seeing Queen Relena, and I really have the hots for her husband, and I need you to help me get him." (1)  
  
"How can I help?! I don't even know Queen Relena or the King!"  
  
"That's no problem, blondie. All's you've gotta do is piss Queen Relena off, make her play croquet with you, so that I can get my Heero."  
  
"Croquet?"  
  
"Yeah. The bitch has some weird obsession with it. It's strange, anyway, you've gotta help me! Oh! I'll help you get Trowa too! Please?!"  
  
Quatre blushed a little bit, and glared at the other boy. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
Duo grinned. "I told ya, I know everything that goes on in Wonderland. Even when two people like each other, but neither will say anything about it." (2)  
  
Quatre blushed a little bit again. "Okay, sure. I'll help you, but first...we have to find Trowa..."  
  
*****  
  
(1) That just seemed so like Duo to me.   
(2) I know they've known each other for not that long...but still...*sighs*  
  
Review to help Leaf feel better. Don't make me hit you with a spatula! *smack* Now go do what good readers do and review!  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter Five: The Mad Tea Party

_Quatre In Wonderland  
Chapter Five: The Mad Tea Party  
  
Warnings: shonen ai,   
Pairings: 3+4, S+5, C+4  
Note: Ah...the wonders of the Mad Tea Party. What chaos can possibly lie ahead? Well...the pairings may tell you a bit, but still, please read it. *yeah!*_  
  
Quatre had to walk twice as fast to keep up with Duo. Apparently the other boy couldn't wait to get ahold of Prince Heero.   
  
"Don't worry, Quatre. We'll find that boy-toy of yours."  
  
"Boy-toy?" A much deeper voice than Quatre's asked.  
  
"Trowa!" Duo said happily. "Glad we found you, you're 'friend' here was looking for ya."  
  
Trowa smiled at Quatre. "Sorry to have done that. I needed to find Duo, and the only way to do that is to get lost. I can't lost, considering that I know where everything is."  
  
Quatre smiled back. "It's okay, Trowa. I don't mind."  
  
Giving Quatre a small, barely noticeable smile, the three continued to walk through the forest.   
  
"Hey, Tro? You do realize where we're going, don't you?" Duo asked in a worried tone.  
  
"Yes, I do, Duo."  
  
"Then why, may I ask, are we going there?"  
  
"Where're we going?" Quatre put in, oblivious to where they were in fact headed towards.   
  
"We're just passing by," Trowa answered to Duo, seeming to ignore Quatre.  
  
Duo snorted. "There is no passing by when it come to Sally and Catherine. That's what Wufei thought he could do when he was maimed by Sally."  
  
"Where're are we going?" Quatre asked more firmly.  
  
"It wasn't a maiming, it was a kiss," Trowa murmured, turning in Quatre's direction." We're going to a tea party."  
  
"A tea party? Why would we want to do that?"  
  
"It's not just a tea party, Quat. It's a mad tea party." Duo replied, getting a look from Trowa.  
  
"What did you mean by "maiming?" Quatre gulped.  
  
"It was only a kiss, Quatre," Trowa said gently. " Duo just likes to over-exaggerate. You don't have to worry about anything."  
  
"Maiming...kissing...same thing," Duo grumbled.  
  
Trowa just ignored the braided boy.   
  
In a few minutes or less, the three were at a gate-like entrance, and the scene that lay before them was quite odd.  
  
Not only were there enchanted tea cups and pots dashing around on a very large table, there were also three people running around like mad. Wufei, whom was in the lead, was being chased by a blonde girl, who was named Sally, who had a rather devious look in her eyes.   
  
The other girl, whom was named Catherine, tried to block Wufei, so that Sally could get to him.  
  
"Leave me alone, you women! Stop this injustice!!"  
  
The two girls only giggled, and continued trying to stop Wufei from running away.  
Finally, after a few more moments of running around, the two girls stopped after Wufei ran out through the gate-like structure, and hid behind Duo.  
  
"Get them away from me!" Wufei screamed.  
  
Duo shook his head and patted Wufei on the head. "It'll be okay, Wuffie. Don't worry, we'll keep the crazy girls away from you."  
  
Wufei glared at the braided boy, but still stayed where he was.  
  
"You guys are ruining all the fun!" Sally pouted, sitting down in one of the many chairs.  
  
"Right Cathy?"  
  
When she didn't answer, Sally looked up at her friend, and rolled her eyes. "Stop it, Cathy. He's probably _gay_."  
  
Catherine's eyes were focused on the blonde, blue-eyed boy that stood not far from her.   
She didn't heed Sally's warning.  
  
"And what would your name be?" Catherine asked Quatre, her eyes holding a starry look with little hearts in the middle.  
  
Quatre took a step away from her and closer to Trowa. "Why?" he whispered.  
  
Catherine followed in suit, taking a few more steps than the blonde had. "Because your adorable and I want to know what the name of my future boyfriend is."  
  
Quatre squeaked, and hid behind Trowa.  
  
"Told ya!" Sally called from her chair, a bored look on her face. "He's _gay_!"  
  
Catherine spun around and glared at Sally. "Excuse me, but as I recall you've been chasing a woman-hater for years now. I can flirt with a gay guy if I want to."  
  
Sally rolled her eyes again. "Whatever, Cathy. Wufei's different. He can change if he wants to. I'm sure pretty boy over there will be gay forever."  
  
Quatre stepped out from behind Trowa. "I'm...um...sorry, Cathy, but I sorta, yah know, can't date you or anything."  
  
Catherine gave him a sweet smile. "It's okay if you're gay, honey! I'll always love you!"  
  
Without warning, the red-head pounced on Quatre and gave him a couple of kisses and stuff. (1)  
  
Quatre squeaked once more and jumped up from the ground, barely getting out of Catherine's deathgrip.  
  
"This is crazy!" Quatre cried. "Trowa, let's go. Please!"  
  
Trowa nodded a bit. "That would be good. I was supposed to have you at Queen Relena's Palace by now."  
  
Quatre nodded. "That sounds good. As long as I don't have to be near her anymore."  
  
Catherine gave him a fake-pouty look, and then winked at him.  
  
Quatre cringed, and clung onto Trowa's arm.   
  
Blushing a little bit, Trowa pulled the blonde that was latched onto him along, Duo following quickly after.  
  
"Dammit! You can't just leave me here!!" Wufei cried, noticing the "look" that Sally was now giving him. To say the least...he ran.  
  
********  
  
Quatre sighed in relief, still attached to Trowa's arm.  
  
"Quat?" Duo asked, smiling a little.  
  
"Yea?" Quatre asked, still having a death grip on Trowa's arm.  
  
"You like Trowa, right?"  
  
Quatre blushed. "Why would you say that?"  
  
"Well, I thought that you were trying to hide it, but..."  
  
"Duo!"  
  
"Well, you've been attached to his arm for about ten minutes now, and I think he might be getting all hot and stuff."  
  
"Duo!" Quatre and Trowa cried in unision, as the blonde detached himself from Trowa.  
  
"Hey...just making a point!"  
  
Trowa and Quatre both glared at him, but both of their faces held a smile and a blush as well.   
  
  
TBC...  
(1) blink-blink..."stuff"...you make your own assumptions about that ^ ^  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter Six: The Queen of Hearts and Her...

_Quatre In Wonderland  
Chapter 6: The Queen of Hearts and Her Harem   
_  
_Warnings: bishie torture from Relena, oh lord...the sappiness of this chapter. You have been warned.  
Note: Relena's harem scares me a little bit. It's not as if they actually want to be there, she just kind of forced them into it. Poor bishies...  
Pairings: 3+4, 2x1, Rx1, D+R, R+a bunch of pretty bishies_  
  
While constant glares kept being directed in Duo's way, the three boys moved on.  
  
"Why hasn't Relena forced you to be in her harem, Trowa?" Duo asked, trying to strike up a conversation.  
  
Trowa glared coldly at him. "She has, you idiot!"  
  
Duo blinked, and then started to laugh hysterically. "You're in her harem?!"  
  
Trowa still glared. "Why is that so funny, Duo? You could be in the same position any day, you know."  
  
Duo shook his head, still laughing. "I don't think so, Tro. I would die before I let that girl put me in her man-whore club."  
  
"Man-whore club?" Quatre asked, snickering.  
  
Trowa grumbled something that oddly sounded like "Fuck off, Duo."   
  
"Really, Tro! You shouldn't say such things!" Duo said, still laughing.  
  
"I can't help it that I'm in her harem," Trowa muttered. "She forces all of the guys in Wonderland to join."  
  
"Duo managed to stay out of it," Quatre pointed out helpfully.  
  
Trowa's face held an annoyed expression; Duo's, a smirk.  
  
Quatre just smiled gently at Trowa." We're just teasing you, Trowa."  
  
"I know that," Trowa grumbled, as he walked ahead of his two tormentors.  
  
"We didn't really upset him, did we, Duo?" Quatre asked, a tone of worry in his voice.  
  
"Nah. He's just too uptight. He needs to loosen up," Duo replied, still smirking. Then, his smirk grew even bigger. "You could help him with that, Quat."  
  
"Oh, I'm not sure..." the blonde paused, realizing what Duo was suggesting. "Duo! Trowa and I aren't even dating!" he hissed.  
  
"Well, I can fix that! Trowa!"  
  
Duo ran up ahead to walk beside Trowa, Quatre quickly following him.  
  
"What now?" the green-eyed boy asked grimly.  
  
"Nothing bad, really. I was just thinking that you and Quat would be really cute together. Don't you agree?"  
  
Trowa blushed a little, even though blushing really wasn't his thing. Quatre's face, on the other hand, was quite red.  
  
"Well? Don't you think so?" Duo persisted, after a couple moments of silence.   
"I guess so, yeah," Trowa muttered.  
  
"Great! So...that means that you guys are dating then, right?"  
  
Poor, poor Quatre looked as if he was about to faint, and still remained speechless.  
  
"That depends on what Quatre wants," Trowa replied.  
  
"Okay, then. He wants to, right Quat?" Duo asked.  
  
Quatre nodded meekly.  
  
"Yay! Okay, Quat. You can jump him now."  
  
After a few seconds went by and Quatre didn't "jump" Trowa, Duo started to complain.  
"Ah, c'mon you two! I went through all that trouble getting you together, and now you're just going to stand there like you barely even know each other?! Besides, you're supposed to help your boyfriend relax, Quatre!"  
  
"I'm not going to help him relax _that _way, when we haven't even _kissed_ yet!" Quatre said a bit loudly, still blushing.  
  
Trowa smiled at his newly found boyfriend. "Are you saying that you want to change that, Quatre? That can be arranged, you know."  
  
"Well, I, um-"  
  
Before Quatre had time to make a decision, Trowa did the only realistic thing he could think of.  
  
He shut Quatre up by taking his chin in one hand and putting his own lips on the blonde's unexpected ones.  
  
"Well...that was...very nice," Quatre said, after the kiss was over.  
  
Duo cleared his throat. "Okay...that wasn't really what I meant, but it was good enough. Stop with all this fuzzy, bubbly sap for now, kay? We really need to get to Relena's palace."  
  
Trowa and Quatre both looked a little pouty.  
  
"Stop pouting. You two are the midst of getting some action, so now I have to go save Heero!"  
  


********  
  


"Dammit! when are they going to get here?" Relena almost screamed, as she tapped a croquet mallet against the ground.  
  
"I'm sure they'll be here soon," Heero grumbled, watching the various bishonen run around painting white roses pink.  
  
"This is a tragedy!" Relena cried. "How could anyone be so stupid as to have ordered white roses instead of pink?!"  
  
Heero inwardly grinned.  
  
"Someone very foolish, my Queen," Dorothy answered, standing next to Relena with another mallet.  
  
"At least they got the hedgehog order right," Relena murmured, sipping tea and nibbling on a cookie, as Dorothy held both mallets. "Did you make these, Dorothy?'  
  
"Yes, my Queen," Dorothy answered smiling brightly.  
  
"They're good. At least someone around here can cook," she mumbled, glaring at the previous occupants of the Mad Tea Party.  
  
"Hey! I can cook!" Catherine growled, only to be stopped from moving by Sally.  
  
"She may have you killed, or something, Cathy," Sally whispered harshly.  
  
Catherine reluctantly sat down.  
  
Relena grinned, a satisfied expression on her face.  
However, her "victory" was soon over as the anticipated party arrived.  
  
"Where have you been?" Relena demanded of Trowa. "And why is that awful thing with you?"  
  
Duo grinned at her. "Nice to see you again too, Relena."  
  
Heero hid a grin behind his hand. Let's just say he had been admiring the brave, humorous boy ever since the braided boy had cut off all of the roses on the palace grounds.  
  
"Excuse me, Queen Relena?" Quatre asked politely.  
  
"Oh, you must be Quatre. What do you want?" she asked, checking to see if her roses were dry yet.  
  
"I was wondering if I could challenge you to a game of croquet."  
  
Relena's eyes instantly lit up. "Well, I suppose we could. Please get us a few of the new hedgehogs, Dorothy."  
  
"Yes, my Queen."  
  
As Dorothy dashed off to get the hedgehogs, Relena beckoned Quatre to her.  
Now with the only thing on her mind being croquet, Duo snuck up behind Heero and "kidnapped" him. It really couldn't be called a kidnapping, considering that Heero was very willing in all aspects of what occurred while he was in Duo's care.  
  
Quatre sighed. Hedgehogs? He thought. What the heck are we going to do with hedgehogs?!  
  
To say the least, he was beyond confused. Oh well, he thought. This won't be that bad. What harm can a little croquet do?  
  
Apparently, Quatre hadn't seen the flicker of something in Relena's eye. She planned to win...no matter what it took.  
  
Quatre just smiled at Trowa, and waited for what lay ahead.  
  
****  
  
_  
Review please. Have you tried to boost anyone's ego today? _  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter Seven: A Decision by Croquet

_Quatre In Wonderland_  
_Chapter Seven: A Decision by Croquet  
  
Warnings: a little bit of profanity, yaoi and yuri  
Pairings: Same old same old.....3x4, 2x1, D+R., S+5  
Rated: PG-13  
Note: I realized after writing this last chapter that they used flamingos instead of actual mallets in Alice in Wonderland *sighs* Well...I haven't seen the movie in a long time, so sorry._  
  
Relena smiled at the cute little hedgehog Dorothy held in her right hand. Since it was pink and everything, Relena took it and placed it on the appropriate spot on the ground.  
Dorothy handed Quatre a blue hedgehog and mallet.  
  
Quatre blinked. "You want me to hit a hedgehog around with a mallet instead of a ball?" he asked, glancing at a little ball of curled-up fur in his hand.  
  
Relena nodded, "Of course! Why would we use a ball for croquet? That's silly."  
  
Along with Relena, the bishonen and Dorothy laughed. Well, the bishes laughs were a bit fake and dry. Relena didn't really seem to notice.  
  
When Relena was satisfied with her hedgehog and her mallet, she declared that the game would now begin.  
  
Quatre, being a boy that resided amongst a group of high-etiquette sisters, knew exactly how to play croquet. He was actually quite good.  
  
Relena apparently didn't sense this in him, and felt as if it were an easy win.  
  
"Ready to start, Quatre?" Relena asked kindly.  
  
The blonde boy nodded, and the game started.  
  
******  
  
"Trowa!" Sally called from where her and Cathy were sitting.  
  
Cringing only slightly, the brunette walked over to where the two girls sat. "Yah. What's up?"  
  
"Well, I wanted to know if you knew where Wufei was," Sally replied, pouting. "He ran off. Again."  
  
Trowa resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Haven't seen him," he murmured, his eyes going back to the game.  
  
Relena looked as if she were going to *smak* Quatre at any second. The blonde boy had knocked her pink hedgehog down a little hill. Relena wasn't very happy. Either was the poor little hedgehog.  
  
"So, are you two dating yet?" Sally asked conversationally.   
  
"Quat and I, you mean?" Trowa asked.  
  
Sally nodded.  
  
"Yeah," Trowa answered warily, slightly afraid that Cathy might attack him.  
  
" I _told_ you he was gay," Sally said smugly to Cathy.  
  
Cathy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. All of the guys here are probably gay."  
  
"Or bi."  
  
"Even Wufei?"  
  
"Probably."  
  
"I don't think so," Trowa added.  
  
"Really? So you think he's gay then?" Sally asked.  
  
"No. Neither one."  
  
"He has to be one, Trowa," Cathy argued. "He's always ignoring Sally's love, and he hates women."  
  
"He's **_gay_**!" Sally concluded, a tone of despair in her voice.  
  
"Don't worry, Sally!" Cathy said brightly. "You can still be obsessed with him! He doesn't even have a boyfriend yet! You still have the chance to jump him."  
  
"Really?" Sally sniffed. "Even if he is gay?  
  
"Who's gay?" A new voice asked.  
  
"Oh, hi Wufei!" Sally said smiling.  
  
He just grumbled something, and glared at them.  
  
"We were talking about you, of course, Wuffie!" Cathy said sunnily, her bright smile never wavering.  
  
Wufei paled a bit. "What?"  
  
"We were talking-"  
  
"I heard you the first time!" Wufei yelled, his anger starting to show. "What is this injustice that you talk about of **_me_** being **_gay_**?!" Cathy giggled, causing Wufei's face to get even redder from his anger rising.   
  
"You're being silly, Wuffie."  
  
"My name is Wufei," he growled. "And I am not gay!"  
  
Sally patted him on the head. "It's okay, sweetie. Denial is just a stage. We can get you to acceptance really quick, I promise."  
  
"Sweetie?" Wufei cried in a horrified voice.  
  
"Of course...you have to promise to be my love slave, or else I won't help you," Sally continued, ignoring Wufei's state of distress.  
  
"I refuse to be anyone's love slave! Especially to a crazy onna like you!"  
  
"Just give in, Wufei," Trowa said over the sound of the two girls laughing. "You know it'll all end Sally's way anyhow."  
  
Wufei gave all three of them a glare. "You are all highly dishon-"  
  
"Honor means shit to us, Wufei-kins," Cathy said, winking.  
  
"Why do you insist on adding ridiculous things to my name?!"  
  
"'Cuz it's fun!"  
  
Wufei, of course, just glared and them and opted to look grumpy.  
  
***********  
  
"This is _impossible_!" Relena shrieked, kicking the poor, defenseless blue hedgehog.   
  
Quatre had won. Relena was slightly in denial.  
  
Just as Relena was about to hit Quare over the head with her mallet, a soft thumping sound was heard.   
  
The sound grew louder...and louder...and louder...until the cause of it was seen.   
Hundreds of multicolored hedgehogs ran towards Relena, who was screaming bloody murder.  
  
"EEP! Get them away from me!" she screamed, as the little critters bit at her ankles.  
  
Herds of hedgehogs weren't that popular to see, even in Wonderland, so everyone was in awe.   
  
By the time the herd had cleared, Relena was well-trampled. Dorothy ran to her side.   
  
"My Queen! What should I do?"  
  
"Help me back to the palace, Dorothy," Relena answered weakly.  
  
"Yes, my Queen. I'll make sure that everything will be okay."  
  
The two girls left, leaving the harem and various others staring in disbelief at the event they had just witnessed.  
  
"Um..." Quatre said meekly, dropping his mallet and going back to stand near Trowa.  
  
As if on cue, Duo and Heero appeared. They looked like anyone would after a good boinking.   
  
Heero had a grin on his face, matching Duo's constant one.  
  
"Have fun?" Quatre asked, smirking a little at the disarray of Duo and Heero's clothes.  
  
"Hell yeah!" Duo answered enthusiastically.  
  
"Where's Relena?" Heero asked in a small, wary voice.  
  
"Hedgehogs attacked her," Sally answered helpfully.  
  
"I **_knew_** the hedgehog plan would work!" Duo said triumphantly.  
  
Heero smirked at his new found lover.  
  
"What're we gonna do now, Trowa?" Quatre asked.  
  
Trowa shrugged. "Don't you need to get home?" he asked in a rather sad voice.  
  
Quatre shook his head. "I"m not going back to live at that house. I'm living with you now."  
  
"I have no problem with that," Trowa agreed.  
  
Quatre smiled in satisfaction.  
  
"Did you two realize that you forgot a kitten at our party?" Cathy asked, pulling a   
meowing Dinah out of her handbag.  
  
Dinah jumped to the ground and rubbed up against Quatre's leg.  
  
"I'm sorry, Dinah!" Quatre said, scooping the kitten up in his arms. Dinah response was purring.  
  
"What're you going to do with Relena's harem?" Wufei asked, motioning to all the bishes who had teary looks in their eyes.  
  
"Well, I'm sure that Dorothy'll be taking care of Relena now," Heero answered, shuddering a little. "So, they're free to go."  
  
**_*_**A grateful parade of bishies exit the story***  
**  
"Oh! We should follow them, Wuffie!" Sally exclaimed.  
  
"Why?" Wufei grumbled, staying put.  
  
"So we can find you a boyfriend!"  
  
Sally grabbed Wufei's hand and pulled him along with her, exiting along with the bishies. Cathy followed just so she could see Wufei get tortured.  
  
"That was...interesting..." Quatre murmured.  
  
"Well, Heero and I gotta go get back to our sex lives," Duo said smirking, and pulling his boyfriend by the hand towards the Helpful Forest.  
  
"Bye!" Quatre called, his attention soon reverting back to Trowa. "So, what now?"  
  
"Well, I have other plans for you then just standing around, " Trowa said, grinning.  
  
"Trowa," Quatre murmured as the brunette started to attack his neck. "Not in front of Dinah..."  
  
Trowa just sweat-dropped and scooted Dinah out of the story.  
  
"Happy?" Trowa asked.  
  
Quatre nodded. "Yep. But...you have to let me jump you!"  
  
Trowa blinked as he saw a highly unexpected side of Quatre come forth. Needless to say, he enjoyed it very, very much.  
  
  
**_*end*_**  
  
*sniffle* I can't believe Quatre in Wonderland is over! It's not fair....   
Well...be good and review!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Epilogue: A Night in Trowa's Cottage

**_Quatre In Wonderland: Epilogue_  
  
Pairings: 3x4, 1x2  
Warnings: limey goodness, fluff  
Note: I decided to end this fic with a round of semi-lime and fluff. Why? Because every humorous fic should end with a bout of fluff. I just added the lime in for good measure. *grin* The lime is tame, however, folks. It's the first time I've actually tried to do a lime, so don't hurt me...**  
  
"Where exactly do you live, Trowa?" Quatre asked, as the two walked side by side, hand in hand.   
  
"It's nothing special," Trowa muttered. "Just a little cottage type thing. Yeah know, the average fairy-tale type of house."  
  
The blonde smiled. "It's big enough for two, right?"  
  
"Of course," the other said grinning along with his significant other. "After all, I wouldn't have it any other way."  
  
Quatre sighed and let Trowa led him to his house. Or rather their house, seeing as they would be sharing a house now. Quatre knew that if his sisters ever found out about any of this, they would each have a panic attack. Not like he cared, mind you. He was incredibly happy with Trowa. He was even more happy with what was in store for them.  
  
As they rounded the corner out of the Helpful Forest, Quatre noticed a tiny, cute little cottage.   
  
"Is that your house?" Quatre asked curiously, admiring the brick chimney from afar.  
  
Trowa nodded. "Yes, it is, Quat; however, it'd be better said if you stated it as our house."  
  
Quatre grinned at his newfound lover. He just knew that they were going to be so happy together.  
  
***********  
  
"Trowa?" Quatre asked, as his fingers danced across the cloth of the chair he was sitting in.   
  
"Yes?" Trowa asked, looking over at the blonde as he made them dinner.  
  
"I was just wondering what you did about clothes and stuff. I don't really think that Wonderland is the type of place to have stores, is it?"  
  
"Well, no. I've always made my clothes," Trowa stated simply, stirring the rice he was cooking.  
  
"You make all of them?" Quatre asked in surprise.  
  
"Yeah. Is it really that surprising?" the brunette asked with a chuckle.  
  
"It's just...I never knew anyone who's made all of their clothes."  
  
"Don't be silly, Quat. It's not that hard, really. Besides, if you're worried about it, I can just make some for you. I'll have to take your measurements first, though," Trowa finished, a sly look on his face.  
  
Turning a light shade of pink, Quatre got up from the chair, and went to stand near the taller boy.   
  
"You can take my measurements anytime," he muttered sweetly.  
  
"I'll take you up on that offer," Trowa said, leaning over to kiss the blonde. "For now, dinner's ready. We're both famished. We should get more energy so we can stay up late enough for measuring tonight."  
  
Giggling, Quatre took a seat the table, as Trowa set down the prepared food. They ate a tad quickly, you see, since both knew about the plans for later. Both agreed that they needed to take immediate action.  
  
"That was really good, Trowa," Quatre purred, putting his dish in the sink. "Are you going to get out your measuring tape now?"  
  
Trowa grinned broadly, taking the blonde's hand and pulling him along. "The bedroom is this way," he muttered for an explanation.  
  
"The bedroom? And I thought that you had a clean mind, Trowa..."  
  
"You're the one who wants me to get out my measuring tape...."  
  
Quatre nodded, as he sat down on the bed. "You're right. So, are you going to get it out?"  
  
Trowa nodded in reply. "You have to take of your clothes first," he explained, his eyes filled with passion. "It's so much easier to measure that way."  
  
"Okay then, why don't you do it for me?"  
  
Moving beside Quatre on the bed, Trowa placed his hand on the blonde's cheek. "You're positive that you want to do this so soon?"  
  
Quatre couldn't help but roll his eyes a little. "Of course I'm sure, Trowa. Why, you're not having any doubts, are you?"  
  
Trowa shook his head as his hand moved up to run his fingers through the blonde's hair. "No, I'm not. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't."  
  
Quatre leaned against Trowa's shoulder. "Okay, then, if neither of us are having doubts, then shouldn't we just move along already?" he asked with a slight tone of impatience.  
  
Trowa smiled at the other's eagerness to begin. "Well, whatever you say, Quat."  
  
Trowa's hand glided over the front of Quatre's pants, causing the smaller boy to moan softly.   
  
"And to think that you had everyone fooled that you were innocent," Trowa murmured, kissing the blonde's neck while undoing his pants.  
  
"I never claimed to be innocent, Trowa," Quatre muttered. "You concluded that by yourself."  
  
Trowa smiled softly, as he removed the clothing that covered the lower part of Quatre's body.   
  
"I suppose I did, but you're the one who's always blushing."  
  
"Is it normal to talk while you're doing this?" Quatre questioned, as Trowa's hands went dangerously close to one of the most sensitive parts of his body.  
  
"No, probably not. Why?"  
  
"Just wondering..." the other trailed off, leaning back further into the pillows as he let Trowa take full advantage of his body.  
  
Then, as the passion grew stronger, and Trowa was about to undress himself, a knocking was heard upon his cottage door.  
  
"Dammit!" Trowa growled, glaring at the door that wasn't even visible from his room. "It's Duo."  
  
"How do you know?" Quatre asked, getting comfy under the blankets.  
  
"He's going to borrow sugar."  
  
Quatre blinked. "What?"  
  
"Some kinky masturbating thing, probably. He always borrows sugar on this night of the week."  
  
Quatre cringed. "That's creepy."  
  
"I just don't want to know what he plans on doing with it now that he has Heero."  
  
Quatre cringed again.  
  
Trowa gave him a kiss. "I'll be back in five minutes. Promise."  
  
Quatre smiled at him. "Okay. I don't mind waiting."  
  
Grumbling, Trowa walked out to the front door and opened it. There, stood Duo, as expected.  
  
"Hey, Tro."  
  
"Sugar?"  
  
"Sugar? Why would I want sugar?" Duo asked frowning.  
  
"For your kinky masturbating, or rather kinky sex."  
  
"Oh! No. Heero likes honey better."  
  
Trowa just blinked, and got the honey for Duo.  
  
"You were trying to get laid by blondie, weren't you?" Duo grinned, as he was handed the honey.  
  
"Yes. Now get the fuck out of here!" Trowa growled, closing the door.  
  
"Good luck!"   
  
Trowa grumbled a little bit more, then went to check on Quatre. Who just happened to be asleep...  
  
Trowa sighed heavily, but decided what would be best. He undressed, got into bed, and snuggled with the boy, that he had found in the field of daisies, of his dreams.   
  
  
**   
*grr* I can't write lemons! I'm sorry! *sigh*  
  
*gag* That is incredibly sappy! Be proud of me! The ending is awful, I know, but aren't most fairy-tale endings...  
  
Anyway, please review! I'll love you forever! **  
**  
~Bubble**  
  
  



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